Seeing Her
by Jozzy
Summary: Just a little scene about Gunn realizing he is in love with Fredd.
1. Seeing Her

Title: Seeing Her

Author: Jozzy

Rating: G

Spoilers: Season 3 Angel

"Nothing is so strong as gentleness and nothing is so gentle as real strength."  
-_Ralph W. Sockman_

_No one sees her the way I do. They look and think they know what is inside her. But they only see small parts, never the whole. I know how perfect and divine she is but I am the one who will never have her._

Charles Gunn sat behind the front desk at the Hyperion Hotel gazing Fredd. In her arms, the small woman held Angel's infant son. The older, wiser being stared up at the beautiful brown eyed Fredd.

Gunn had been sitting there watching the two communicate for an hour now. He and Fredd had been put in charge of the baby and the phones for the night. Conner had awoken ravenous and immediately began to holler for nourishment. Once fed the little child had refused to be rocked back to sleep. Fredd had taken over watching Conner and Gunn manned the silent phones.

At first Gunn had sharpened stakes, moving from there to trying to file some client information. Giving that task up he had simply perched at the desk.

Fredd was beautiful. Gunn had reached this conclusion days before, his mind stumbling across the fact one day during their annual lunches.

It was customary that Fredd and Gunn picked up lunch for the office. Everyday to the small cafe on the corner for Cordy and Wesley. Angel and Lorne never ordered. During the hour long wait for Cordy and Wesley's food the two friends would stop by Taco Bell were Fredd would daily astound Gunn with how much she could put away.

It was on one of these excursions when Gunn had begun to fall. Fredd was shoveling a nacho into her mouth, her cheeks covered with bean dip and sour cream. Charles had finished ten minutes before and was now just cheering her on.

His sides were shaking from the deep belly laughs that racked his body. Rolling his eyes he had reached across the table and wiped off the sour cream with his thumb. Fredd had frozen the moment their skin had met, a slow blush moving up her face.

Gunn had never seen anything more beautiful.

It had taken him a couple of days to wrap his mind around the fact that he found Fredd attractive. But now that he had he couldn't stop staring at her. Only the girl's natural obliviousness had saved him from deep embarrasment.

Normally things would have been going a lot smoother than this. By now he should have asked her out. This was different though, not just because it was Fredd, but because he had out that Wes liked her too.

Wesley was probably Gunn's best friend at Angel Investigations. It had always been a rule of Gunn's not to allow women to come between him and his friends. If it hadn't been Fredd he probably would have just let Wes have her.

It was Fredd though. Fredd who laughed at all his jokes, who didn't care that he understood every three words that came out of her mouth, only that he listened, Fredd who was small and fragile and needed protection, Fredd who made his heart ache and made him forget all his rules.

He couldn't let her go, couldn't get her off his mind. When they were alone like this all he could think of was sweeping her into his arms. Actually sweeping, Gunn had never wanted to sweep a woman into his arms in his life.

So he backed off. Let things go slow, instead of the usual fast paced relationships he was used to. Fredd remained blind to his interest and he and Wes continued to fight for her attention.

Wasn't it a damn shame that he knew he could never have her.


	2. Revelations of Love

Revelations of Love

Author: Jozzy

Summary: Sequel to 'Seeing Her'. Fred thinks about Gunn.

Spoilers: Season 3 of Angel

Rating: G

Pairing: F/G

Revelations of Love

Its been several weeks since we first kissed. I am so in love it blows my mind. That seems strange for me to say. I have never been in love before this. Late at night when no one can hear my thoughts I sometimes wonder if I am truly in love at all. Those thoughts worry me. But how do I know this is love if I have never experienced it before. Just another paradox that plagues me now.

Loving Gunn is not like anything I have ever done before. He is different from everyone I've ever known. We are not your average couple I know. Not just because of the obvious, but because our personalities differ so much.

Gunn is such a physical person. He wants to go out and do things, he is a leader. He speaks his mind and never backs down. Sometimes he can be too stubborn and I don't think he and Angel get along as well as he pretends. Gunn can't make himself trust a vampire, no matter what the circumstances.

Gunn is more vibrant than I am. He sees a job needing doing and he steps up and starts, most of the time without a plan or any background information. Sometimes this causes him to stumble but in the end he always succeeds. He accomplish what he sets out to do.

I am nothing like that. I would start a job by researching every possible aspect about it, then I would find out everyone else's ideas, and then I would decide if I would follow them or come up with a plan of my own. I am a follower and meek enough for people to just expect my subservience. 

I have spent too large a time as a slave. As if any time would be okay. But it stripped me of what little backbone I had. I can no longer express my ideas openly. I hesitate before I speak in all situations (when I actually think before blurting things out.) I have become a mutation, an evolution of the timid mouse I was before Pylia. 

Slavery has imposed itself on my mind and even now, free of my collar, my mind is still trapped in the idea of imprisonment. I wish desperately to break free of this confinement. Perhaps that is what draws me so vehemently towards Gunn.

I am not myself when I am with him. I am a better person I think. I become stronger in his presence. I think that he does this, albeit unconsciously, to me. Around Gunn no one can be timid his aura of confidence leaks from his structure and seeps into your own or you are overpowered by it.

Does this mean that I am just using him? Do I abuse his true affection, for need of some type of power of my own? I don't know. I don't think so. Because even though he makes me stronger that is not the only thing that makes me love him.

I think, hope that my love for Gunn is true. I hope that his love for me is true, though I don't know why it would be. 

I have to stop thinking about this. It hurts my heart and confuses my soul.


	3. Tortured Souls

Tortured Soul

by: Jozzy

Spoilers: Season 3 Angel

Summary: Wes contemplates Fred/Gunn

Rating: slight R

Tortured Soul

Sometimes, after a really bad night, he brings her breakfast in bed.

Wanker

When they meet after a long period away from each other their bodies sort of gravitate towards one another. His hands move to her hips. He pulls her close and she wraps her arms around his shoulders.

It is a strange thing wanting to kill the man whom you consider your best friend.

I do though. I want him to die. I want him to die horribly.

At night when my subconscious lives I dream about it. That worries me most of the time. I wake up mornings dripping with sweat. If I open my eyes really fast I can catch a glimpse of the blood on my hands.

She has no idea. Not really. Some faint inclinations maybe. I don't think it ever occurred to her.

Not me. Too proper for such thoughts about her body. Too English.

I don't know how she can miss it. That thing about her that makes her so irresistible. She doesn't see it though. She thinks its a miracle that he wants her.

Really its just...

lust

magnetism

attraction

fate 

destiny

Things that we will never share. Because even though they both can't see it...I can.

I see the future in their love. I've turned into Cordelia.

I know that my chance with her is gone. The look in her eyes is unmistakable. That is the look of soul mates.

He carries the same deep inside. Letting no but her see it.

I wonder what they do together.

Does he touch her in the ways I dream of myself doing.

Do they sit and talk.

What is their favorite couple thing to do.

What is there song.

Do they celebrate idiotic anniversaries.

I am in love with the unobtainable. 'Father why have you forsaken me'


End file.
